First of all, I wanted to start off by expressing how much I think Law isn't the course best suited for me come university life. But then I realised I needed to talk about something else that might be of equal importance. I'm opting for the latter. Because I am aware of just how much emotions dominate my way of thinking rather than rational scholastic decisions do. I think I'm trapped somewhere within the territories of hypocrisy and denial lately, and that is making me very afraid of how I'm actually becoming to turn out. I'm not one who thinks living a life of contradictions is perfectly normal for a teenager of this age. Even more so when I see people I tend to care for getting so lost in this particular aspect, and that is when the danger creeps in. They start losing themselves.
I think I lost a friend; yesterday night. We were caught up in a heated argument which led to my being labelled as self-indulgent and only thinking of my own wants rather than others'. I was told then that it was because of what I was that made her think she didn't want to be affiliated with such a person anymore. 'Just a mere acquaintance, nothing more than that,' she remarked coolly. It was fine, I guess. I mean, the verbal disagreement part. But to actually hear those words coming out of her was equivalent to a dagger piercing through the thin fabrics of a cloth; something like that. It just wasn't pleasant for someone I've come to know as a friend to utter the kind of words that you know is so unpleasant to your ears, you'd rather dissolve into thin air before you know it's about to happen. But I still heard it anyway. And as much as I wanted to disagree with what she had to say, I had to remind myself that she needed to have her own stand, too.
It was when she raised her voice that I told her to shut up. I was aware of the lack of decorum I had, but I just could not withhold myself from allowing her to say such words that were literally cut-throat. 'You are pushing it, so just get out!' she yelled, as if she knew completely of the state I was in. Funny how a normal conversation can lead to a fight in minute. Funny how the person whom I thought I'd found a friend in has now evolved into a stranger so distant and cold. The feeling of betrayal struck me hard as I took in every blow she channelled, that cruel nonchalance I got from her as I stared at her straight in bewilderment. I raised the question on our faith and how it suggests she should've taken back what she had offended me with, and try as she might to divert the topic, I knew deep down that she was bothered by many unspeakable issues. Which was precisely why I'd initiated the conversation with her; because I felt that need to perhaps pump in a little encouragement and motivation to help boost her morale - and she definitely took it the wrong way.
I don't believe in the theory of 'redeeming oneself' in a friendship. If it's lost, it's lost. Like what my mother always tells me, 'People come and go. But only go for the ones who stick by you even when the going gets tough."
I still do appreciate her, but that wouldn't be said with such honesty if I hadn't ignored the fact that she now claims that this friendship never existed. Ah, what a way to sting a heart.
I think I lost a friend; yesterday night. We were caught up in a heated argument which led to my being labelled as self-indulgent and only thinking of my own wants rather than others'. I was told then that it was because of what I was that made her think she didn't want to be affiliated with such a person anymore. 'Just a mere acquaintance, nothing more than that,' she remarked coolly. It was fine, I guess. I mean, the verbal disagreement part. But to actually hear those words coming out of her was equivalent to a dagger piercing through the thin fabrics of a cloth; something like that. It just wasn't pleasant for someone I've come to know as a friend to utter the kind of words that you know is so unpleasant to your ears, you'd rather dissolve into thin air before you know it's about to happen. But I still heard it anyway. And as much as I wanted to disagree with what she had to say, I had to remind myself that she needed to have her own stand, too.
It was when she raised her voice that I told her to shut up. I was aware of the lack of decorum I had, but I just could not withhold myself from allowing her to say such words that were literally cut-throat. 'You are pushing it, so just get out!' she yelled, as if she knew completely of the state I was in. Funny how a normal conversation can lead to a fight in minute. Funny how the person whom I thought I'd found a friend in has now evolved into a stranger so distant and cold. The feeling of betrayal struck me hard as I took in every blow she channelled, that cruel nonchalance I got from her as I stared at her straight in bewilderment. I raised the question on our faith and how it suggests she should've taken back what she had offended me with, and try as she might to divert the topic, I knew deep down that she was bothered by many unspeakable issues. Which was precisely why I'd initiated the conversation with her; because I felt that need to perhaps pump in a little encouragement and motivation to help boost her morale - and she definitely took it the wrong way.
I don't believe in the theory of 'redeeming oneself' in a friendship. If it's lost, it's lost. Like what my mother always tells me, 'People come and go. But only go for the ones who stick by you even when the going gets tough."
I still do appreciate her, but that wouldn't be said with such honesty if I hadn't ignored the fact that she now claims that this friendship never existed. Ah, what a way to sting a heart.
A good friend will bail you out of jail, but a true friend will be
sitting there next to you saying, "Damn, that was fun!"
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