Someday

The slight tinge of bitterness that hangs loosely in the night's atmosphere is slowly reaching out to me, in a way that makes me feel obliged to react to that very same taste. There is a part of me that feels the urge to write something extremely mawkish and totally out-there, but then, I realised that 80% of the time I am dissatisfied with the way I express myself; not because I cannot seem to find the right words to describe my very emotions, but because my perspectives on things have wavered at quite rapid rates that it's just too difficult for me to take a stand on one situation, yet feeling something that isn't quite right at the back of that. Sigh. I've been to so many different places as of late, and I mean that not just in physical terms but also metaphorically. The dreams that I've been having aren't of much weightage either, in the sense that when I wake up, all I have left is this residing emptiness that bounces around the perimeters of my heart; my system. I know I may sound like I'm blowing things out of proportion, measuring things an inch bigger than they seem, but situations such as these are exaggerated in their own rightful way...

The resounding noise of the echo that rattles in my ears are reflective of how some important elements have to be taken out after some time. Be it for maintenance, for slight repair, for total damage, or sometimes, just because. It baffles me as to how time manages to be so surreptitious in its manner, slowly snatching off whatever that's left of the present, creating them in collages of different shades of memory. It would be amazing to know what time is actually up to, or why it decides to be so cruel to the people who need it most. Why the irony? I wonder. The questions in my head seem to spiraling out of line, and the fact that I am able to answer them myself makes me question myself. I am fully aware that the only reason why time does this to us is to make us grow, learn, move forward. It pains me when I'm tied up all for the wrong reasons, and I don't seem to realise the opportunity that time has given me. All these years it hasn't completely come to that point of fulfillment, that defining moment where you tell yourself, 'Alright, I didn't miss out on anything. The time that has been sectioned here for me has not gone to waste after all.' If only time had come with a flashy warning sign. Or if only I'd done a little more.

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My maid's farewell words to me as we bid goodbye in the airport yesterday, "Jaga diri baik-baik ya. Mesti belajar baik di England...saya sayang kamu.."

I miss her already.