Recovery Days

I'm finding a perfect balance between ideally placing reality in between a mismatch of both contrasting fictional conditions surrounding me. It took me a good few months to eventually succumb to falling ill again, but it's taking me less than I thought it would for me to get used to the heat enveloping the perimeters of my room, as well as the coldness emanating from the numbness of this newly developed fever. And what about this nose that has been runny like a leaking faucet? I'm just trying to stay as calm as I can. As much as this (falling sick) has been taking a little too much of my time, it has also helped me stop within the tracks and allowed some room for proper thought. Thought, about a lot of circumstances that seemed to have evolved and changed over the past few months. Things, about a lot of altering events which have, in recent days, changed my perspective on so many situations. I seem to be cornered into yet another daze here, knowing that my 18 months in KTJ are very well over, and that the next chapter of my life could be something else entirely different.

There isn't much I can put into words the amount of love and dislike I had throughout my time there, but if there was one thing that I kept true to its essence, it would be the fact that I took every mistake as a learning experience, as tough as each of them were. I know reminiscing isn't going to do me much good, but in terms of having lived there for a period longer than I'd sometimes imagined, every little thing I encountered there was definitely worthy of being mentioned in their deserving scale. I realised, that as time went by, there was just so much that was beyond our control, no matter what extreme state of discipline we were in. I realised that in every effort we put in, we had to accept the fact that our toil may not well have translated into fruitful results.

I guess that at the end of the day, we are all still left with that bit of perseverance, no matter how hopeless the situation. I knew that in every problem I faced, there was bound to be a solution to it regardless of the meager amount of hope I had left. It proved similar to the many other events I had to come across, and it taught me so much about having the will to eventually muster up the courage to let go of things you sometimes wished you had. For that, even if you hadn't gotten what you'd initially planned or hoped for, you're not left with much regrets on making the most sensible decision of choosing what's best for you. Maybe, just maybe if I had listened to my heart and continued lingering on that thread of faint hope, things would have turned out different. But if I had been bold enough to follow what my intuition told me to, I wouldn't have had to reason with myself countless of times on the root of this causing problem. Either way, it's all good :) That's what I've been taught. That life goes on whether we like it or not, and that the world stops for no one, not even if you're faced with the most life-altering, fate-changing situation that seems irrecoverable.

It hasn't really sunken in yet, this whole end-of-another-chapter-in-my-life phase. I'm taking everyday as it is to its proportion: no more, no less. And it has been taking me longer than I'd expected to recover from all of this. But like I said, it's all good, because the only medicine that has proven its effectiveness is time. It heals.