I Hope You Find Your Happy

It is so late into the night but my heart is burdened by a realisation that has surfaced from a table conversation I just had that I feel prompted to express. I've always had a thing with time, or the scarcity of it, and all this while I've realised all I was trying to do with it was use it to my advantage - to not let it get the better of me, to know when to move on when something isn't worth my while anymore, to not waste, to not just save, but to make time, because there's only so much time you can give to someone else before your own welfare is jeopardised - all for my own selfish needs. I have failed to understand that there exists another side to time that I've yet to embrace, only because more often than not I happen to be on the receiving end of it, that is, taking up someone else's time when they so willingly give it to me. It only hit me that I've been majorly concerned with the fact that I wouldn't have enough time for myself, especially with the reality of bar school coming into existence, that I thought it only justified why I felt that way, and why I felt there wasn't a need to change just because I had a reason to keep it all to myself. After all, isn't society extolling the idea of, 'If it doesn't make you happy, move on.'? Why in the world then am I feeling a wave of conflict over such a glossy theory that appears to be the approved norm of today's modern lifestyle? Then I come to an abrupt standstill, and I learn to discover that a significant number of people in my life have defied this very idea of entertaining only what's of worth to them, to strive to make time for someone like me. And I write this specifically aimed at the people who have done so, and yet don't demand I do the same, to which I painfully admit. To you, who gave up your happy for mine, in the timely sense of things, thank you. It's not easy doing what you did, but you did it anyway without a breath of complaint. I wish I could someday be half the giver that you are and similarly return the favour, and that you be rewarded by the deeper happiness that life brings you. Time isn't always on our side, but we still choose the right side of it ... for one to be happy, to feel infinitely nestled in surety.